13 - Been

Dear Daveradio, where have you been? - Anonymous

Good question. A bunker? In Bed? Perhaps I've been in the shower for the past few weeks. To tell the truth, I don't really know.

You see, there are times in my life where gaps develop. These aren't drug or alcohol induced - or at least not in any sort of unnatural way. There are times where I simply don't have the words to say, a reason to make up drivel, or a reasonable motive. This gap is what might be misinterpreted as a peaceful time; a time where equilibrium robs me of every drop of creativity and every opportunity to despair.

Don't worry, though, because as true as the wisdom that supposes everything will achieve balance, it is just as certain that there will be chaos-enough for me to write again soon.

Thanks for asking,

Daveradio

12 - Drinkability

dear daveradio,
why is there so much pomp and circumstance for someone winning an election? surely in this current economic climate the festivities should be toned down. i don't understand.
an unneccessary expense

Well anonymous that's another great question.

Let's compare the cost of the festivities to the cost of a one-night stand with a prostitute. They both seem irresponsible. They both seem unnecessary. They're both fun (probably) and after they're over have no lasting effects (hopefully.)

Ah, but the problem is that the intentions of the thousands of balloon blowers at the inauguration hope to bring-about a lasting effect that is every bit as tangible as the VD you probably got from that streetwalker. The electricians* are hoping for confidence-fueled investment in the economic sector of the economy, which is fickle to such a degree that it follows the ups and downs of the Calee baby scandal. So, run madly through the street shooting a gun to stop commerce OR party, promise, and pray publicly to jump-start it. It just so happens that the party, promise, and pray publicly regimen works for resolving your prostitution scandals as well.

Thanks for asking,

-Daveradio

*electrician: n. One who works on an election.

11 - ROD and his naive parents

...what do I need to do if I want to attain the perfection and shine of Blagojevic's hair? What shampoo do you think he uses? Does he rinse, lather, and repeat? Does his wife assist him in rubbing in Johnson & Johnson Tear-free shampoo into his perfect follicles? I'm dying to know.

Rod Blagojevich (pronounced a$hole) is the Illinois governor at the center of a terrible political scandal involving his marrying of a foul-mouthed harpie. His life, his work, and his family has been scrutinized by the world media and the commentaries are harsh:

"He is morally corrupt. I'll bet that he kicks dogs and drowns kittens."
-NewsWeak
"Blagojevich's refusal to step-down after being caught red-handed is further proof that he has made a deal with Satan which clearly states that he will lose his soul, not his job."
-Wiccan Weeky Reader Monthly
"Arizona! That movie was biggest waste of 3 hours, like ever. If I wanted to see a child babble for 3 hours I would have had children of my own - and then skipped town with a foul-mouthed hottie like Blaojevich's wife... leaving them poor, alone, and destitute."
-Indiescene FanZine Editorial

As for the hair, I think that a persons visage is a physical embodiment of an inner being. In the case of Rod, it's obvious that he's hiding horns.

Thanks for asking.

-Daveradio

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Aside

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While you're at it, tell some other (totally random, of course)
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Thanks for promoting,

-Daveradio

10 - Children, Lies

Anonymous said...

dear daveradio
why do people like children?

Merry f'n Christmas kids! I'll get to this question tomorrow.
Thanks for your patience.

The jolly little children run amok... tearing through wrapping paper like wrapping paper on a Christmas gift... awwww. They take their new toy truck, and for 2 whole seconds their little faces light-up, beaming with delight... awwww. Then they throw the little lead covered Chinese toy truck at the nearest child, ceramic, or pet and scream "I wanted an X Box !" Awwww.

My little anecdote has nothing to do with the real answer to this question. People fear dying in obscurity so they have children to leave something to the next generation - as substitutions for failures as a contributor to the arts, science, or general welfare of the population. People don't really like children, but they feel like they are contributing to something by giving the planet more kids. They give incredible time, money, and personal sacrifice to the upbringing of these things.

But, my friend, there is a lesson I learned in architecture school that I think applies to the issue of the validity of the parent's extraordinary effort. I was a C student... but I worked like and A student... day and night, studied, poised, dedicated to the extent that I would offer up my body to the project at hand and work to the brink of exhaustion. In the end, I was still a C student. I didn't have the raw talent that some of my peers did... and I didn't have a firm grasp of what architecture was really about. For the first 3 years all I really did was make a big C-Turd's worth of useless work. My contribution to all of the arts, science, humanity and architecture was, for the most part, just a big C-Turd. Just like kids.

Thanks for asking.

-Daveradio

09 - Too bad there isn't a catchy song with the word "Karma" in the title that I could use as a header for this entry...

Dear Daveradio,

How come when something good happens to people they say "oh I've got good karma," and when something bad happens to somebody else they say "karma's a bitch," but nobody ever says anything like, "mother earth really came through on this one" or "Ganesha must have been really angry with them?"

As a follow up question, do you think it's because people are idiots?


If theodicy can be summed up with a contemporary metaphor:
It's like God/Nature created this online banking account and then forgot the login and password. Since there was no first pet name for a password retrieval question, all hope of administering this account is gone. What happens now is a deposit here, an overwithdrawl there, some hidden fees for the "free" checking, and a $.10 / month interest collected on all that humanity is worth.

So, with the lost password model for the existence of God, we can rule-out any mention of Karma... we just don't need it, unless you're playing craps. In which case... if you say the word "seven" at the table you Will throw a damn seven and get a nasty look from the others at the table... that's just a fact.

As for your follow-up, yes and no. We act like idiots... especially in the way that we sometimes intentionally choose for ourselves punishing and deleterious plans for the sole purpose of proving that we are not entirely egoist... often involving beer.

Thanks for asking.

-Daveradio

p.s. Thanks for beginning your question with "How come..." I'm not sure why, just cause.