13 - Been

Dear Daveradio, where have you been? - Anonymous

Good question. A bunker? In Bed? Perhaps I've been in the shower for the past few weeks. To tell the truth, I don't really know.

You see, there are times in my life where gaps develop. These aren't drug or alcohol induced - or at least not in any sort of unnatural way. There are times where I simply don't have the words to say, a reason to make up drivel, or a reasonable motive. This gap is what might be misinterpreted as a peaceful time; a time where equilibrium robs me of every drop of creativity and every opportunity to despair.

Don't worry, though, because as true as the wisdom that supposes everything will achieve balance, it is just as certain that there will be chaos-enough for me to write again soon.

Thanks for asking,

Daveradio

12 - Drinkability

dear daveradio,
why is there so much pomp and circumstance for someone winning an election? surely in this current economic climate the festivities should be toned down. i don't understand.
an unneccessary expense

Well anonymous that's another great question.

Let's compare the cost of the festivities to the cost of a one-night stand with a prostitute. They both seem irresponsible. They both seem unnecessary. They're both fun (probably) and after they're over have no lasting effects (hopefully.)

Ah, but the problem is that the intentions of the thousands of balloon blowers at the inauguration hope to bring-about a lasting effect that is every bit as tangible as the VD you probably got from that streetwalker. The electricians* are hoping for confidence-fueled investment in the economic sector of the economy, which is fickle to such a degree that it follows the ups and downs of the Calee baby scandal. So, run madly through the street shooting a gun to stop commerce OR party, promise, and pray publicly to jump-start it. It just so happens that the party, promise, and pray publicly regimen works for resolving your prostitution scandals as well.

Thanks for asking,

-Daveradio

*electrician: n. One who works on an election.

11 - ROD and his naive parents

...what do I need to do if I want to attain the perfection and shine of Blagojevic's hair? What shampoo do you think he uses? Does he rinse, lather, and repeat? Does his wife assist him in rubbing in Johnson & Johnson Tear-free shampoo into his perfect follicles? I'm dying to know.

Rod Blagojevich (pronounced a$hole) is the Illinois governor at the center of a terrible political scandal involving his marrying of a foul-mouthed harpie. His life, his work, and his family has been scrutinized by the world media and the commentaries are harsh:

"He is morally corrupt. I'll bet that he kicks dogs and drowns kittens."
-NewsWeak
"Blagojevich's refusal to step-down after being caught red-handed is further proof that he has made a deal with Satan which clearly states that he will lose his soul, not his job."
-Wiccan Weeky Reader Monthly
"Arizona! That movie was biggest waste of 3 hours, like ever. If I wanted to see a child babble for 3 hours I would have had children of my own - and then skipped town with a foul-mouthed hottie like Blaojevich's wife... leaving them poor, alone, and destitute."
-Indiescene FanZine Editorial

As for the hair, I think that a persons visage is a physical embodiment of an inner being. In the case of Rod, it's obvious that he's hiding horns.

Thanks for asking.

-Daveradio

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